Butters & Bambi

In 2009, I made a friend named James while swing dancing.  And through the years, even though he was an ocean away, I felt like he was nearby because of social media.  A few years later when I was living in Santa Barbara, I received a message from James saying he met a lovely girl who was moving there.  So James spent a month in Santa Barbara helping his lovely girl get situated in a new town.  While he was visiting, we met several times and further solidified our friendship.

James had the ability to leave an indelible impression on those around him.  He was a firecracker of an Irishman with a lively and inappropriate sense of humor. But during that month I also saw a softer, sweeter side of him.

Butters was tormented by James (in the best way possible) when they first met.  We were at a dog friendly path, high above the Pacific Ocean.  This was the first year I adopted Butters and as a new dog-mom, everything made me nervous; especially letting her go off-leash.  James told me to go ahead and release her…so I did.  She sprinted ahead, zoomed around and let out her puppy energy.

At one point I couldn’t see her anymore…I looked at James, “See, look at her, she’s a wild animal.”

”Um, you better call her over.” He advised.

“Butters!” I called out a few times.  She came tearing down the dusty path toward us, with a dog smile on her face.  I put her back on the leash.  I couldn’t deal with the anxiety.  James just laughed.

Before James left Santa Barbara, he told me he would be in the UK for a couple of years.  He said I should visit.  I said I would at some point.

Sometimes life knocks the wind out of you.

I thought I would see James again…maybe this year or next.  I thought I would hear his Irish accented off-color jokes a few more times.

Last Sunday, as I was checking messages, I heard the devastating news that James passed away.  It was September 29, 2013, and James was 34 years old, much too young to leave this world.  He had a full life ahead of him surrounded by people who adored him.  This is the thing about life.  You just never know what it has in store for you.

I needed to find a way to honor James.  And since I couldn’t attend his funeral in Ireland, over the course of the week – as I thought about him – I remembered that James liked nature.  He liked the ocean…the mountains.

I realized I needed to be in nature while remembering James.  So I went camping with Butters and Bambi.

At the campsite, I searched for a way to honor James; to find some sense of closure for myself and to wish his spirit well.

And one night, while I was hiking with Butters, the sky ignited with red, orange, gold…and I knew…I would dedicate this sunset to him.

Dear James, you will always be loved and remembered.