I think I have a mild form of OCD. I need to wash my hands a lot, I like symmetry, I like to be in control. I love to plan; create Excel spreadsheets encompassing to do lists, and try every single calendaring system…but in the end, what control do I really have? I can have goals and work toward them. But in reality, there are too many variables in the environment and as much as I think I’m in control, I’m not.
This is an uncomfortable place for someone like me. Yet when I think back to the times when I’m happiest, it’s when I’m in a flow state: when I give up all control and follow someone else’s moves. It’s when I follow a leader as he leads me in swing dancing. I’ve felt the most joy when he rock step, triple steps me into a variety of unexpected moves. In those moments, I let go of all expectations. I focus on being in the moment and following as he leads moves that coincides so well with the music I laugh out loud.
I should live my life the same way. Not anticipating, no expectations, going with wherever the music takes me. This month-long Airstream Bambi trip will force me to be open, relinquish control and surrender to the experiences ahead.
Sunset, Santa Ynez Mountains, taken with FujiFilm X100 at dusk.
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