OCD and dancing

I think I have a mild form of OCD. I need to wash my hands a lot, I like symmetry, I like to be in control. I love to plan; create Excel spreadsheets encompassing to do lists, and try every single calendaring system…but in the end, what control do I really have? I can have goals and work toward them. But in reality, there are too many variables in the environment and as much as I think I’m in control, I’m not.

This is an uncomfortable place for someone like me. Yet when I think back to the times when I’m happiest, it’s when I’m in a flow state: when I give up all control and follow someone else’s moves. It’s when I follow a leader as he leads me in swing dancing. I’ve felt the most joy when he rock step, triple steps me into a variety of unexpected moves. In those moments, I let go of all expectations. I focus on being in the moment and following as he leads moves that coincides so well with the music I laugh out loud.

I should live my life the same way. Not anticipating, no expectations, going with wherever the music takes me. This month-long Airstream Bambi trip will force me to be open, relinquish control and surrender to the experiences ahead.

Sunset, Santa Ynez Mountains, taken with FujiFilm X100 at dusk.

rancho oso

4 replies »

  1. Thank you for sharing your moments in the moment. I’m thrilled I came across your blog and read about the wild free brave adventurous frontier woman I met so long ago back in SF come so far.

      • Yon! Me too! can’t wait to hear all about this life growing adventure of yours! em me at jean4c@gmail.com. I’ve been working on a proj in NW MA w/ no internet and barely any cell reception, but this winter accepted a job on Martha’s Vineyard w/ all modern conveniences. I should be here till May, would love to connect before heading back into the hills. xOXo

      • Hey Yon! don’t know if my original reply went through. When it came in through my email. The top of your embeded blog had “Respond to this comment by replying above this line”. But I just noticed the Reply button in the embeded blog itself. So I thought I’d resend it. I’ve been in the woods, my tech skills are a little behind.
        “Yon! Me too! can’t wait to hear all about this life growing adventure of yours! em me at jean4c@gmail.com. I’ve been working on a proj in NW MA w/ no internet and barely any cell reception, but this winter accepted a job on Martha’s Vineyard w/ all modern conveniences. I should be here till May, would love to connect before heading back into the hills. xOXo”

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