In February of 2013, I drove to the Los Angeles area to pick up something quite large.

I picked up a 3,500 pound aluminum encased trailer. It was shiny and beautiful.

I named the trailer “Bambi.” It was easy to name since a single-axle trailer model is called Bambi.

On my drive down to LA, I was consumed with “what if” questions. What if I don’t like it in person? What if I can’t figure out how to hook it up to my car? What if I made a mistake? What if I’m stuck with something I will regret later? And then I got to the showroom. I saw Bambi’s curved silhouette. I opened the door, stepped into the cozy space and I knew. Bambi was mine and would be a vehicle to self-discovery.

Right now, I’m in a fragile state and every part of me is raw from grief. And because I feel this way, I’m trying to go back to this moment: when I saw Airstream Bambi hitched up to my car; when I felt empowered, strong and hopeful.