My head spins a little less now. And when I wake up in the morning, I have a better sense of where I am. I don’t feel like I’m in-between anymore. I can stop and reflect back on our cross-country trip and think about all of the things that went right (and wrong). We didn’t have much time to fully explore the states since I was scheduled to start my new job on June 26; a mere 21 days after leaving New York.
I must admit, traveling across the country during a heat wave was unnerving. I imagined all of the things that could go wrong. I also wondered where this reaction was coming from because it was unlike me… to obsess over the “what if” scenarios. Is that what happens when we get older? We unearth layers of anxiety that have built up over the years? I hope not because that’s not how I want to live my life. What is challenging for me is to maintain a balance: to be realistic about my fears but also act fearlessly.
I’ve tried to I remind myself of all that I’ve gained because I chose to fully engage with the world. Bad stuff will happen in life because that’s inevitable so why not continue on the journey while dealing with the “what if” scenarios that may or may not come true?
We step out into the external environment every day and make a choice to be open to whatever happens. I bought Airstream Bambi and I made a decision to interact with the world and be open to whatever… I need to remember that.
When my memory wanes, I’ll look to Butters and Rosie. They take on life as it comes. I doubt they question themselves. They just run with what life throws at them.